so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
