i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
