i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
