i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
