doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
