I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
