They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Mom said you looked used
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
