even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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