I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Watching her eat just hurts me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
