ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
