we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
