can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
