I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
