I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
