I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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