ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
