were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
