The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
