It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
