How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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