Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
