Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
