just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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