My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
