Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
