im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
