I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
