Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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