I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
