two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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