Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
