He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
