so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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