maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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