my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need water and some morals
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
