so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
