arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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