Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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