Can Purell be used as lube?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
