if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
