honey bunches of taint.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
