but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
