I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
