I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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