She is in my trunk
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
