he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
