Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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