Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
