College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
