it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
